


Too much and still not enough

by LilJiji



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Smut, But make it spicy, Exes, Getting Back Together, Jealousy, Kinks are mentioned but they are mild and nothing truly happens, M/M, Mentioned Bang Chan, Mentioned Hwang Hyunjin, More like sad, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, These two are bad at feelings, Vanilla, Wanted kinky but ended up vanilla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:13:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilJiji/pseuds/LilJiji
Summary: Minho finds out that his ex, Seungmin, lives in the apartment next to his and decides to make him jealous and it doesn't go well, but it doesn't go that bad either.
Relationships: Kim Seungmin/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 18
Kudos: 135





	Too much and still not enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CatboyMnho](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatboyMnho/gifts).



> I decided to write a fic inspired by  
> [this tweet](https://twitter.com/princessmnho/status/1347905823629053956?s=20) since it's such a good prompt💕💕

Minho can’t believe his eyes.

From all the people in the whole world that he could be neighbors with, it has to be him.

_Him!_

That beautiful voice, those eyes he was so in love with in the past and now he hates, he even looks taller. His ex looks even better than he remembers. And it’s so unfair. So. Fucking. Unfair.

Minho hates it, detests it with every muscle in his body.

Seungmin, his ex boyfriend, is his neighbor.

And he doesn’t even know it.

He can’t stand the idea of the whole situation. How did he even end up in this anyways?

They were in love, they were _so_ in love. And it took one of them deciding for himself to ruin everything. To be fair, Minho regrets it a little sometimes. He wanted more, wanted to do everything he could: graduate, have a romantic life and a good job. But he didn’t really get his time to speak about it with Seungmin, who wanted more as well, but for _himself_ before anyone else.

Well, Minho could actually see he got what he wanted: he looks fine, he has a job and a nice apartment, which happens to be next to his. The actual next door to his.

Minho’s not the same as three years ago though. He is changed, he is more mature and he has a job as well, he’s a dance teacher and he likes it a lot, he still has his cats – they are three now – and takes good care of them, he is pretty much satisfied with his life.

Except maybe something is missing. Quite irreplaceable.

He loved Seungmin.

But Seungmin did not as much as him.

At least, this is what Minho thought for long enough to feel like the truth.

He didn’t bother to speak to their friends too much about it, he didn’t bother to see Seungmin say goodbye to their hometown.

And now fate – or better said, a terrible accident of a life – put each other on the same path all over again.

But Minho is not the same, he keeps telling himself that again and again till it becomes reality.

Minho is not the exaggerated college boy he was three years ago. He is mature enough to not overreact, mature enough to not let Seungmin’s next door suffocating presence make him crumble, mature enough to not tell him he is there.

He is mature enough to mind his business.

Mature enough to not think too much about it, to not let this fact control his life or his routine.

Mature enough to not think all day about the past.

Mature enough to not start crying when the reality of it hits him.

Mature enough to not let this influence his sexual drive, to not let this make him chant Seungmin name when he gets off.

Mature enough to not look for a good fuck on Saturday night and bring them home to be fucked silly while screaming.

Mature enough, that’s what he is _not_ now.

He really _wanted_ to be mature enough, but things went completely different.

He is not mature enough.

Not when the only person he ever loved is still in his heart.

He is not mature enough because Seungmin is back in his life, but out of reach still.

And the other is completely oblivious about it.

Now, is Minho mature enough to not act like a stupid college boy with a strong libido?

Not really.

Not only because crying makes him feel sick and he doesn’t really have a choice or a possibility to change what happened in the past so it’s useless as well, but also because he is crying over someone who doesn’t even know he is there.

Minho is positive that if Seungmin knew they are neighbors, he would have changed apartment already. At the end of the day, Seungmin was the one to go and leave him alone.

And loneliness doesn’t suit Minho at all. Not only because he is too pretty to not have someone in his life, but also because he knows to give love. It’s not a mystery he’s a good lover, he switches positions if he has to and enjoys mostly everything, he likes going on dates and take care of others. He is a good man in and out and he knows it. It’s actually what he always wanted to be. Gentle, teasing and funny when he feels to, sweet, loving and caring. He remembers all the dates he used to go to with Seungmin and how much he loved coming back home and make love. Because that’s what he usually called it, _making love_. Now it’s more like fucking. Which is ok, he enjoys it a lot, but Seungmin used to make him feel so loved, so right, so in tune with everything. They were connected.

He is happy for how much he tried to treasure the good moments, and how much he wanted the best for everyone. Well, not quite it seems, since Seungmin left him, he knows he was too selfish all of a sudden, but he is still the same person that’s happy to help and entertain and to never let others down. Well, not really _never_.

Sometimes Minho wonders what did he do so wrong to make Seungmin go and never look back the way he did. He was so scared of loneliness, and now, even if he’s not as lonely as he was in the past, he still feels left outside of trivial things other people do. He craves a good relationship, but nothing could make him feel what Seungmin did – and _does_ , but Minho will never admit it openly, not even with himself.

And while he spent his forth night crying and reminiscence hit him harder than ever, he decided he’s had enough and that’s when Minho starts to actually _hate_ his own behavior.

He never in his whole quite pleasant life felt jealous. And now it starts to surface and drip out of him like some type of waterfall. He doesn’t even know why, but he thinks Seungmin might actually have someone in his life. Part of him doubts it, but only thinking about him fucking someone else is enough to flood his mind with jealousy.

It gets to the point when one night, after going out with some friends, he brings one of said friends home, closes the door to not let his cats in his room, and lets himself go. He screams out every single moan that _friend_ draws out of him, thrust after thrust – truth being, not only was he so extra for the sake of it (and his partner’s ego) but he also hadn’t bottom in a while and it felt so wrong to not have Seungmin dick him down that he had the need to scream out of frustration – and specially to stress out his neighbor.

He waited a couple days before that. He was waiting for the other’s reaction but it didn’t arrive.

So, he kept doing it, he kept letting others fuck him and enjoy himself.

He loves sex, he never hid it, but of course after a while he grew bored of it. He prefers his toys to be honest – he preferred them even more when Seungmin took his time to break him apart and then he did the same to him, it felt mutually exciting and liberating.

Vanilla or rough, he doesn’t care. He cares about driving his neighbor mad. Make him actually knock at his door and–

_…Then what?_

Minho realized after a couple weeks or so spent doing this that he didn’t have a real plan.

Most definitely, he would cry if he sees him again. If Seungmin speaks to him, if Seungmin spurs out he hates him, if Seungmin actually looks at him, if Seungmin just breathes near him.

Maybe crying over it was better.

Maybe letting go of the whole thing was even better.

But deep down, Minho knows he’s not over it. It’s like a boomerang, everything gets back to him. He let go of all that without thinking about it and now that Seungmin is right _there_ , he can’t have him. He can’t even speak to him, not even look at him. It feels worse than he thought it would.

But does he stop going out to meet friends and fuck?

No, of course not.

It’s like admitting defeat. And Minho has a petty attitude, there’s no denying that.

Of course, he will never get over him, now more than ever – and he thought he already did – so of course he goes to have sex and piss Seungmin off, at least as some sort of fucked up revenge.

It does feel ok after a while, having others fuck him and stay there, be pretty, moan and let others worship him. Even when no one knew what to say to him to actually make him cry, even if no one could hold him the right way to let go. Because after himself, only one person knew how to.

Kinky stuff with others as well feels wrong in a way, he’s not a big fan of degradation and Seungmin knew what to tell him to humiliate him good enough to not trigger him. That’s why he doesn’t even try. Minho is a little lazy to explain to others what he took so much in discussing with his ex. No one could get him anyways, only one person could.

Although, it starts feeling some sort of stupid. He wallows all day in self pity, it feels humiliating enough already, especially if said humiliation doesn’t give him any pleasure, just too many tears and a terrible migraine to face his workplace.

And that’s why he gives himself permission to be petty. To feel like he deserved more and couldn’t have it, to feel like it’s Seungmin’s loss at the end of the day. He knew the truth; both of them were at fault. He knows it, Seungmin probably does as well. But still, to be heartbroken doesn’t suit Minho, so petty be it. He’s not even trying too much, he just likes attention in any possible way, and he will at least steal precious sleep hours from his ex.

Probably Seungmin works as a nurse by now, he remembers him working hard for it, he probably achieved his dream or is about to.

Minho loved him, he would have done everything to make him happy; apparently, he didn’t, not enough. He became what Seungmin despises the most: a selfish person.

Well, at least now he can go on with his life.

Maybe that’s why he asks Chan to have sex with him, just because he’s so damn convinced to forget about Seungmin.

Chan is a good friend of both, but he, as their other common friends, never quite got between them both, he likes to mind his business.

Chan is also a sweet man, a good person who treats others the best way, who never lets his friends down but calls them on their bullshit. And _Jesus Christ_ did Minho had to hear him inveigh against him and Seungmin breaking up over stupid things. Well, not really stupid, for Seungmin letting go of his life there and throw himself in studying outside the country was important, but abandoning each other over this was something Chan didn’t appreciate.

Even so, Chan was very gentle. Gentle and sweet when listening to Minho’s concerns – he spent than night at the bar lamenting how much he hated Seungmin despite not being the truth (and Chan totally seeing through his mask) – and accepting his stupid attitude, sweet and gentle when Minho proposed him to fuck and accepting his pettiness during the whole night.

It was Chan after all, they fucked in the past, they knew each other by heart, they were both free and consensual adults. And Chan was as always, _sweet and gentle_ , especially when Minho started crying his eyes out in his chest. Chan was ok with it, it was totally 100% fine.

Chan who always put up with Minho, who always took care of his friends, of him, and who never bugged too much into something he wasn’t meant to know (and made Minho even more open to speak about it). Chan, his best friend, one of the few people he could actually talk to and ask for what he wanted.

Still, it didn’t feel the best. Chan is amazing and will always be, but he’s not Seungmin, he’s not his ex, he’s not the person he was so ready to give up everything for, the one that’s so close and he still can’t reach. The one he’s so petty for.

\---

What Minho didn’t know was that Seungmin has had enough of his stupid neighbor who fucks like a damn rabbit almost every night, with a different person he presumes, since the names he hears (quite clearly to be honest) are always so diverse, except for a night he didn’t hear if not loud moans that kept him up one hour more than usual.

That voice was getting on his nerves as well and he didn’t know why at first. Of course, it sounds familiar, but Seungmin let that swipe under the rug because he’s a new person.

It’s like he doesn’t even remember his life before entering the hospital, like before his job – that he just started a couple months ago – he doesn’t have many memories. Of some, he got rid of them, others are very much hidden inside him and he doesn’t want to let them surface ever again.

He is a new person, a changed one. He manages himself better.

But he needs sleep to do so.

And lately his neighbor acted like an unemployed college teen with very high sex drive.

Seungmin has to admit he may like to fuck around, not like every time and with anyone, but he has time to take it slow and not attach to someone.

His late relationship, three years ago, was the best he had in a while, he really doesn’t want another one anytime soon. Minho was a person that he really loved, he wanted the best for him but they really got into a big fight and Seungmin decided for himself. He felt a little selfish himself, he knew he broke his partner’s heart but he’s changed.

He is even more mature now.

He is mature enough to have an apartment and live all alone.

Mature enough to take responsibilities of his actions.

Mature enough to leave his past behind.

Well, maybe not all of it.

He’s the type to be a little nostalgic, although he never showed it in front of Minho. One of the things he regrets the most is that he didn’t show him how much he cared, how much he cherished him at the end of the whole relationship. Not because he didn’t show him love, but because he decided to go without actually telling him more than just that: he wanted to go, he wanted something different. He kept it from him, _damn_ sometimes Seungmin feels like he abandoned him.

Maybe Minho hates him, and he kind of deserves it.

He doesn’t feel much in return, though, maybe he never let go of that feelings, their bond was something else, something he doesn’t even want to have again, not with anyone else.

And here he is, his neighbor fucking and screaming like he’s having the time of his life at 2am and Seungmin can’t sleep to save his life. Or save other lives.

So, it’s time to get it over with.

He gets it, he really does. Having sex is fun, it helps with a lot of stuff but it’s a little too much to scream at every hour of the night. Seungmin might feel envious, maybe a tiny bit more than he’d like to admit, but he needs sleep more.

It’s been like two weeks.

He’s really sure he wants to knock at his door and try to tell him to keep it low a little. It may be embarrassing – him and Minho went through that in the past as well and _oh boy!_ was it more than only embarrassing – but he truly needs a break from hearing _that_ every other night. He still thinks he knows that voice as well, it sounds so familiar and still gives him a bad feeling.

Seungmin tries to stay calm and opens his door to go knock to his neighbor’s, but after waiting for a response that never arrived, he knocks again, harder.

He hears some movement in there, like _something_ walking next to the door but he didn’t know his neighbor had animals.

He knocks one last time before giving up and turning on his steps, but when he’s about to go back in his flat, he sees something that makes his breath hitch and hide behind his door.

 _Someone_ to be exact.

His _ex boyfriend_ to be even _more_ exact.

He’s coming up the stairs with some packages and Seungmin grows mad looking at him entering through the door next to his.

The _horny_ neighbor is his ex boyfriend.

That’s why the voice was so familiar.

_Fuck!_

That’s why he hated it so much and found it unnerving at the same time.

Seungmin opens the door, coughing to get his attention and Minho closes the door right away and freezes in place, turning to look at him.

Their eyes meet and Minho looks down almost immediately, hands hugging a big box tight to his chest.

Minho doesn’t look surprised, though he grows pale the more Seungmin looks at him.

It’s been three fucking years and he has to see his face like this. He has to meet Minho again as the neighbor that keeps him up all night screaming and fucking whoever he fucks, getting on his nerves and he doesn’t look surprised to see him there, again, Seungmin is sure of it by the way Minho’s eyes are so glassy and he’s completely speechless before his very eyes.

Seungmin wants to scream, to shout in his face but he growls in frustration instead, passing one hand on his face and massages his temples, before taking one step in his direction.

Minho snaps up at that, looking at him approaching with an expression Seungmin can’t read.

“I can’t fucking believe it’s you that keeps me up all night, what the fuck!?” Seungmin’s voice is harsh and Minho is not used to it.

Not even until the very end he’s been like that, what did he do?

“What is this for, huh Minho?” Seungmin lowers his voice, almost menacing, “to get on my nerves? To ruin my life again?”

Minho shudders at that, he really hates how much he feels affected by the tone of his voice, it’s like it’s cutting him into pieces.

But he doesn’t stay fazed by that for long, because he knows how to make a mess even better.

“Leave me the fuck alone, who do you think you are to speak to me like that?” Minho’s voice is just as harsh, “I didn’t ruin a thing, you decided to go and live your own and at this point who cares, leave me alone.”

Minho doesn’t want to bring up the past, but Seungmin started, and Minho doesn’t forget nor he forgives.

“You started all this shit, fucking like you are a fucking 19-year-old teen, you think you’re so sly or something?” Seungmin shouts, he’s losing control over his voice, “it’s written all over your face, you knew I live here, what are you, 12?”

“Shut up, who cares about your stupid opinion anyways, you’re getting in my business like you care, now?” Minho screams back.

“I don’t give two fucks about you, but you clearly want to get on my nerves!” Seungmin wants everything to stop, he’s having enough of Minho’s face contorted in disgust like that.

“You don’t know how to argue with me, moron and why the fuck are you so affected I have a sexual life anyways?”

Seungmin really hopes all their neighbors aren’t home because all this sounds embarrassing, Minho acts like he’s right or something.

“At least fuck with less emphasis _damn_ , you act like a fucking _slut_!”

And Seungmin knows that word was not supposed to get passed his lips that way, Minho hates that word in that way. But it’s too late now and he can’t take it back.

He covers his mouth a little with the palm of his hand but Minho’s face grows shocked.

He knows how much Minho hates it. Minho hates it out of bed, hates it for everyone to hear, hates hearing Seungmin call him that especially after remembering quite well Seungmin throwing a fuss in the past about saying it one time and Minho being ok with it because he liked it a little – Minho being his _pretty slut_ , both playing their little games – and he remembers quite well how many times he said he was sorry for it and now, Seungmin just used that word in the worst way, he knows Minho fucking hates him for this now.

Minho takes a deep breath, tears forming in his eyes and looks straight up at him, not a bit of compassion on his face and Seungmin turns pale, he almost anticipates Minho’s lack of sympathy at this point.

“You really are fucking dumb, Kim Seungmin.”

His voice doesn’t tremble an inch, despite Seungmin hoping so for some fucked up reason he doesn’t even know well.

“You still act like the impulsive boy I first met, nothing new about you.”

And Minho should feel bad for what he just said, but he looks at Seungmin’s horrified face and even if he hates it – hates to be the one that made it like this – he turns to open the door and slams it loudly.

Seungmin curses under his breath and goes through his door.

Yes, he feels dumb. But he also feels mad about what Minho told him.

Minho should know better how vital is for him to grow and not be labeled as _impulsive_. He hated how much that word described him in the past, how much he tried to conceal it to seem more calculate, more rational and if Minho felt the need to call him that, even if he may have deserved it for what he said, at this point he called it war.

If he wanted Minho to get away from him forever, he just found the way, and now that between them there’s only a thin wall – and what Seungmin thinks can be described as the worst sympathy – he for sure will show him that stupid petty game can be played by two.

\---

Minho tries to calmly breathe again and not cry, his back sliding down till he sits on the floor, his cats rushing to him. He reaches for Soonie in his lap.

Cursed Seungmin.

Cursed him for saying that.

Cursed him for making it hurt worse than ever.

He hates what he said and hates himself for making it worse, but he will never admit he did all that to make him jealous. He may be stubborn but he’s not a–

_Not that!_

Seungmin saying what he did made him see red before his very eyes.

He doesn’t even hate it that much, but Seungmin saying this? After telling him a billion _sorry_ that one time?

He will never accept it.

Seungmin hating him so much that he needs to do such thing?

He can’t accept it.

And it hurts so much again but for less.

The lesser the better in Minho’s dictionary means he will stop feeling like shit for someone like Seungmin. For someone he loved so much, he _loves_ so much…

He has better things to do, to eat lunch and to work all day and probably night, paperwork accumulated in a couple weeks he has to take care of.

And even if the rest of the day goes smooth – he takes a long bath trying to forget the encounter, tries his best to not cry, takes a nap and even works a little bit – he has a strange feeling it’s not over. It can’t be. Seungmin is the type to remember when someone wrongs him, so is Minho if he has to be completely honest.

And only after dinner, his concerns become reality.

He hears his neighbor get out at a strange hour – Seungmin works usually the after-lunch till after-dinner shift – and 10pm looks suspicious to him.

But only when it’s past midnight that he hears him come back and he is _not alone_.

Minho’s almost done with his paperwork but Seungmin has other plans it seems. And Minho kind of anticipates it.

Is he as petty as him?

Is he like _that_ as well?

Apparently, yes!

The point is that Seungmin was the louder one in their relationship, Minho struggled so much to make noise to upset him the past two weeks, but Seungmin is a natural.

Minho can’t believe his ears. Like, he can’t actually believe it’s happening.

His ex wants Minho to taste him own medicine?

His ex wants to literally be this dumb?

And he thinks it will work?

Well…

Of course, it works!

Minho’s heart aches more than his ears, he already took a lot of time to focus and now that he’s almost done, he has to go through this. He goes to the kitchen, makes tea, sits with his cats in his living room, but he still hears it, fainter but it’s more in his brain and knowing Seungmin, he will probably go for a round two after a quick break. And his jealousy is back as well.

He wonders why his voice has to be so sexy, why he has to be like that, and by the sounds he makes – and the words he clearly understands – he guesses he’s bottoming, which makes Minho ten times angrier.

At least when Seungmin tops, he doesn’t take his time and goes quickly usually, but when he bottoms, well, he makes sure to ride his partner till they beg for release. He’s always had a little bit of sadism in his blood, Minho loved it, still _loves_ it, but now it feels like torture.

He’s not supposed to imagine it, _fuck_ he’s not supposed to get hard in this whole situation. He has zero intention in getting off to it. And the only thing that stops him from getting horny is getting sad, tears streaming down his face as turns on the tv to distract from it. He stops only when Seungmin and his _partner_ do, to finish working and trying to get sleep but then they start fucking like rabbits again and of course Seungmin has to make whoever he’s with scream at the top of their lungs.

Minho is supposed to be the one to have more stamina, but Seungmin got it more somehow it appears.

After 3am or so, everything turns silent and he tries to sleep a little, even if not only two hours later he’s awake and at his third coffee.

\---

Seungmin really decided to fuck Hyunjin the night before out of spite.

And make him scream as well.

Hyunjin indulged in that – and Seungmin is never enough grateful of how much he put up with his shit – but only because he likes sex and it’s ok to fuck, to feel something for once.

Now though, a new day in, Seungmin feels like shit.

He keeps thinking about why it is so.

Why does he feel so not ok?

Hyunjin’s a great sex partner, he’s more than fine with everything.

But Seungmin feels something in his throat that makes it hard to live with.

When Hyunjin goes home, – he ended up staying and speaking all day since both had a free day – of course only after dinner, Seungmin sees Minho on the stairs but this time the other stops and gives him an angry look.

“What are you looking at?” Seungmin asks, grinning to provoke.

Minho’s key doesn’t open the door still – he tried to ignore him but he just couldn’t, not after what he happened to hear all night long.

He really wants to tell him how cruel he is, how he knows he started first but still, how Seungmin’s the one to always make him cry and feel the way he does, how hurt he feels.

“Fuck you, you’re so immature.” He resorts to say instead.

“For having a sexual life?” Seungmin mocks the same words Minho said the day prior and the other scoffs, unimpressed.

“Funny, although I’d say you do care about showing me some kind of lesson instead of minding your business like you said.”

“You started it, and it’s not my fault he’s loud.” Seungmin waves his hand in that dramatic way he used to in the past, and Minho is getting impatient to go home, but he stays motionless.

“I heard your voice pretty clearly, tho.”

“You still remember my voice, tho.” Seungmin’s grin grows.

“You were the loud one,” Minho passes a hand on his face, he’s so done and he had a terrible day at work as well, “and of course I do, I did care for you.” He says the last part softly, but Seungmin hears him.

“Don’t even start with that pitiful game Minho, cuz I don’t care.” Seungmin’s voice is harsh again and Minho can’t stand it.

“Whatever…”

“At least he’s genuine, you had to fake it so much, of course I didn’t know it was you.”

The other gives him an annoyed look; if he wants to play that hard, Minho is sure he can deliver.

“Maybe I was finally letting myself go, since I couldn’t with you.” Minho lies, and he knows Seungmin can totally see it, but he still does.

“Don’t give me that, you know full well there is no one that knows you better than me,” Seungmin shoulder leans on the door, “and yourself of course.” Seungmin adds, but with a lower voice.

“Shut up, you don’t even remember the me in the past, and I’m changed anyways.” Minho is one inch away from snapping, or slamming the door.

Or move out.

“Wanna test it?”

_Huh?_

Minho’s face drops.

He heard it wrong.

He must have.

Seungmin really didn’t change one bit?

Still with that game?

Still the same stupid college boy that approached him for sex? – and caught feelings in the process, but that’s out of discussion at the moment.

Still the same old Kim Seungmin that runs his mouth without thinking?

Minho heard it wrong, it cannot be!

“What?” He makes sure to ask, just to make sure.

_It can’t be…_

“Since you’re that horny, why not having someone who truly knows you?”

 _No_ , Minho heard it pretty well.

And Seungmin is indeed still the same.

“Forget it.” Seungmin shakes it off, embarrassment taking the place of his initial cockiness.

But Minho doesn’t leave him get out of that.

He wants sex?

He’ll have it, _ohh_ , Minho wants to give him exactly what he just asked for; so much that he will feel numb after, so much that he will regret it, so much that it will probably damage him forever. So much that it will break _Minho’s_ heart forever.

“Of course, you say it just to tease me, you have no guts to do it.” Minho waves him goodbye, for once mature enough to not risk it just for a good fuck – the _best_ fuck but still, he’s not dumb.

“I am serious, but I will not do shit with you if you don’t want it, again, forget it,” Seungmin brushes it off again, still not moving, “I don’t even know why I said it…”

“You wanna test it?” Minho stops in his steps again, he can’t even believe himself, “let’s test it, let’s see if you can still fuck me good.” It’s Minho’s turn to grin.

Is it too late to blame his feelings or his tiredness? Or his provocative self? Or whatever it may be that makes him act the way he does right now, to make him seem just done with everything, to make it look like he’s not in a rational state of mind?

“It is truly ok?” Seungmin’s voice is gentler, and Minho doesn’t know why. It’s not like frustration will wash away, it’s not like hate sex doesn’t work somehow, it’s not like it’s forcing him – it’s only sex, who cares, if it’s consensual, it should be ok – and it’s not like he feels something… _now does he?_

So, he opens him mouth to say it, more frustrated than mad now, “of course it is, it’s sex, since you’re so convinced you still know me, but I bet I remember more.”

Seungmin doesn’t respond to the teasing.

Minho feels guilt crippling on his spine.

“It’s so damn weird, tho.” Seungmin looks down at his feet.

He really scared himself out of the situation and Minho can’t believe his eyes: how much Seungmin is the same he’s ever been?

“Oh, if it was only teasing, then forget it.” He says with a tone to part ways, but he remains in place to wait for the other’s reaction.

Seungmin thinks about it with a serious expression and looks up to meet his eyes.

“You’re still a dumb kid, go home and leave me alone.” Minho says again.

“You want to have sex with me?”

Minho is taken aback by his voice, but shrugs, at this point at least he fucks, he is not even mad anymore and neither does look the other and Minho needs to feel something, something that is more real than whatever he had in the last three years.

“Why?” Seungmin’s eyes stare into his soul, Minho is sure he can totally read him but he doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“Why did you propose it?”

“Cuz I wanted to teas–”

Minho smirks, amused at how easy it is to make him spill the truth.

“I want to show you I’m not impulsive.” Seungmin corrects himself.

“You just played yourself, if you want this ass, you stupid boy, come for it, I don’t care, sex without a single feeling for you would break you, tho,” Minho turns around, commenting while opening his door one last time, “like you said, forget it.”

“And if I want it?”

“Of course you do, you think this _slut_ is easy,” Minho doesn’t want to bring that up again, but he’s so frustrated by it and Seungmin’s voice saying _it_ is on replay in his head, “but I don’t care, I may be, I like sex. If you want to, follow me, if not, go fucking home and leave me alone cuz your pathetic way to make me jealous was humiliating, for you.”

“I didn’t mean to–” Seungmin argues but Minho interrupts him immediately.

“ _Oh,_ you did, you knew exactly what you were saying _and_ doing, and I don’t care, again, you proposed it, not me.”

“If I say I want it?” Seungmin walks in his direction, closing his door and taking the keys rapidly.

Seungmin looks so sure about it but fragile in his steps and Minho wants to scream – and then again he wants to hold him close and kiss his frown away.

“Then fuckin follow me, I am not saying it again.”

\---

And Seungmin does exactly that.

He is more than surprised to see how much _Minho_ that place looks like.

Minho looks at his cats and says hi to them, his features a little more relaxed and Seungmin feels like crying just by looking at him.

He missed it.

He also missed three big years of Minho’s life.

The cats still know him, they approach him and Seungmin squats down, petting both of them before noticing a third one sleeping on the sofa.

Minho doesn’t want to see this, doesn’t want to coo internally, doesn’t want to know that much.

Soonie letting himself being pet by his ex, he can’t take this much.

Minho clears his throat, getting Seungmin’s attention and pointing to his room.

The other stands up and follows the other inside.

He takes in the whole room and again, it smells and looks so much as Minho, with the flowers on the walls and the soft light.

“Min…”

Minho looks up at him from the nightstand where he usually keeps the condoms and the lube.

“I don’t want to fuck you if we’re both mad.” Seungmin says walking in his direction.

“I am not mad.” Minho sighs, and it’s the truth.

He’s not mad. He knows that much. And he agrees with the younger that fucking being mad on each other doesn’t work for them. He doesn’t feel much, he’ll try his best to not be disappointed after, he tries his best to not think about kisses and soft nothings or whatever.

Seungmin sits on the bed and Minho gets next to him and they stare at it each other.

“How do we do this?” Seungmin breaks the silence, a little tense.

“You can fuck me, if you want to.” Minho answers plain and simple and Seungmin nods.

Minho starts taking off his clothes and Seungmin gets in his underwear, both without saying a word.

Getting undressed without touching or kissing feels awkward but both make it at the end, Minho sitting on his back and looking at him.

Seungmin gets close, asking for permission to touch and Minho nods, letting his hands softly caress his skin. He lets out an embarrassing sound when Seungmin’s fingers slightly touch his stomach.

“Why so shy, I thought you knew what to do.” Minho teases, he doesn’t want everything to get strange.

Seungmin snorts softly at that and starts rubbing his tummy better with his palm, the other hand going up to cup his cheek, looking at him with dark eyes.

Seungmin wants it, _of course_ he does. So does Minho, he wants him, the more he takes his time in passing those skilled hands over his body, encircling his hips and moving up and down the more Minho grows hard.

Minho probably looks flushed, his semi on display, he feels like a mess already with just Seungmin pressing where he still remembers, going down and kiss every mole on his chest and tummy and play with his nipples in the process.

Seungmin takes his time with each, pinching and tugging them and rubbing the way he knows Minho likes the most.

He is so _damn_ sensitive to slow caresses, he’d be lying if he said he hates them and Seungmin clearly knows it.

The younger leaves open mouthed kisses on his chest, taking one of his buds between his lips and sucking on it a little, making Minho whine, his back arching into his touch beautifully.

At least, Seungmin thinks that but he can’t be wrong.

Minho is beautiful, he always was, and he always will.

And Seungmin, who always knew what to do to make him tremble, now his body over his, pressing hard on his inner thigh to spread his legs while he sucked on his nipple harder… that’s a thing Minho would have never expected.

When did all that become all this?

When did their petty attitudes bring them to this?

To softly care, to softly embrace, to softly wait for love?

Minho doesn’t know.

He expected a different result from this, he expected Seungmin to just bend him over the counter and fuck him hard, he kind of wanted that as well. He didn’t plan for Seungmin to ask every single time he touched, to smile at every soft moan he let out, to make him feel _loved_ again.

But here they are, Minho almost fully hard from just Seungmin touching, legs spread and his underwear too uncomfortable.

Seungmin licks his other nipple one last time before getting up, hands at both sides of Minho’s head and taking in his state.

Minho’s hair was all over the big pillow, eyes glassy and lips parted.

Seungmin presses his fingers on Minho’s mouth, asking for permission again and Minho opens it, sucking two in and parting his lips more to let him see.

Seungmin blushes at that – it’s been a while after all – and his dick twitches at the view.

He presses a little on the tongue and Minho lets out a muffled whine, the corner of his mouth showing a slight smirk.

And Seungmin wants to scream at that.

 _Yes_ , Minho did it. Seungmin’s gone with so little, _yes_. If he could, he would definitely drop on his knees and let Minho fuck his mouth right there.

Seungmin found what he craved for, for so long. He craves to be Minho’s _good boy_ , to make him feel good, to be _his_.

Minho was right all along, he didn’t change, he’s the same, and he’s even more of a horny teenager than in the past.

Minho is always right, he always knows everything, reads him right. Minho has him wrapped around his little finger.

So long for hate sex or whatever.

And Minho probably knows already, they will not last.

That means Minho also knows they will end up talking, and probably make it worse if any of them – or both, knowing how they behave – grows angrier.

Before he can lose himself in his thoughts though, Minho sucks on his fingers harder, passing the teeth and tongue between them, and swirls his tongue over each, his hand on his wrist to keep him in place. Minho really knows what he’s doing and is making Seungmin lose control enough to let out a little whine at that. The tongue between his fingers is too much already and it makes them so slick that when Seungmin gets them out, a long string of saliva still connects them to his lips.

Just like his life with Minho, but he doesn’t want to think about metaphors for that now.

“Still here?” Minho asks, passing his tongue on his lips and Seungmin wants to kiss him so bad.

He hums as an answer, he doesn’t trust his voice at all.

Minho buck upwards and takes his underwear down, much to Seungmin’s discomfort for not doing it himself.

Seungmin is tempted to do so as well, but he stops before actually moving to take the lube in his hands and place it near them.

Maybe he shouldn’t be so affected by seeing Minho naked but it’s been a while and who can blame him for salivating?

Minho is handsome, every single part of his body is and Seungmin is tempted to hop on his dick and ride him till ending up crying. He also wants to make Minho cry from overstimulation, but doing so to Minho would definitely take a while. So, he stays in his place, letting Minho accommodate his gorgeous ass on a puffy pillow – Seungmin could swear he remembers it as well now that he looks at it better – and watch as he hisses when his hand grips at the length to pump it a couple times.

Minho looks up at him, winking and placing his hands up, an open invitation for Seungmin to press them in the sheets with one hand, as he passes the other on his inner thigh, carefully avoiding to touch him where he aches the most. Minho lets out a soft whine at that, protesting and moving his pelvis up for Seungmin to touch him and the other snorts amused.

Minho is funny to play with, especially when he wants something, but he knows he enjoys when his thighs get the attention they deserve more.

He likes it slow, despite always begging for release immediately, which could be confusing to some, but not for Seungmin. He knows, it took them one year of reckless fucking and three in a relationship to solidify their preferences around each other. Seungmin gladly observes the other past three years didn’t manage to change that.

“Care to do something about it or…” Minho speaks when he figures out Seungmin wants to take it slower than ever.

The younger laughs softly, passing a finger on the shaft, from the base to the tip and then loosely take him in his hand.

“ _Pff_ , coward.” Minho grumbles but he allows him to do as he pleases anyways.

At the end of the day, Seungmin knows.

He always did, and he always will.

“Can I finger you now, or you prefer it slower?” Seungmin offers, pressing on the slit with his thumb a little hard for the sake of it – and also because hearing Minho hiss is worth it and he likes it anyway, he _knows_.

“If you go slower I will literally fall asleep.” Minho protests, trying to get out of Seungmin’s grip on his hands and the other remembers he doesn’t like being straddled for long so he moves his hand immediately.

Seungmin is also tempted to say, _“at least you can sleep now”_ but he doesn’t want to risk having all this end before even getting his dick wet. Speaking of that, maybe he should totally take the boxers down.

Seungmin takes the lube and opens the cap loudly, Minho flinching at it like it hits him just _now_ they are about to fuck and it might mirror on his face since Seungmin looks at him with a slight frown.

“You ok?” Seungmin asks while taking down his underwear finally, wondering if he should stop.

“Yea, hurry the fuck up.” Minho hides his face in his hands and Seungmin chuckles softly at his impatience.

He’s a little like that, he wants it good and rough and quick sometimes, intense even. But it’s ok since Seungmin can be like that as well. For some reason, Minho doesn’t want it today, it seems, he doesn’t even argue much about it so it’s ok.

Minho peeks from his fingers as Seungmin handles with the lube and coats his fingers, getting it warm – like he used to always do since Minho is sensitive and Seungmin’s the one that enjoys temperature play more.

He then moves his hands to see Seungmin encircle the rim with the pointer and slowly but surely pushing in.

Minho hisses at the intrusion and Seungmin’s other hand is on his tummy, rubbing it a little and watching his relax enough to get a finger in completely, Minho getting on his back completely again and spreading his legs more.

He lets Minho accommodate to the intrusion – even if he clearly knows he will earn a tongue-lashing for being slow instead of a praise, but he can accept it – and the other starts moving his hips already.

Seungmin knows he’s making him desperate for release and he doesn’t really want that so he asks if he can add another finger and Minho almost mewls a _please_.

The younger complies, and starts moving, stretching him little by little and crooking his fingers up, looking for his sweet spot already.

Minho gets a little shaky, Seungmin’s not sure why.

Maybe being touched by him, maybe because he feels cold, he doesn’t know but he doesn’t quite like it.

“Min, are you ok?” his voice betrays his worry.

Minho snaps up and gets on one elbow.

Seungmin looks at him, mouth agape.

Minho’s drooling all over his chin, his eyes are glassy and he looks so fucked up.

From this little?

Seungmin’s completely fazed by it and stops his movements.

“I am.” Minho answers, his voice soft.

Seungmin twists his fist over his dick and Minho whimpers, getting with his back on the pillow again. The younger repeats his action, in time with his fingers curling up inside Minho and the other’s knees buckle, letting out a keen, grinding his hips down and meeting Seungmin’s fingers that now started moving in and out of him, straight out fucking him and meeting his thrusts.

“Can I add–”

“Fucking do it.”

Minho’s getting greedy, and Seungmin kind of picks the pace, adding a third finger as he thrusts up, Minho moaning loud.

Minho gets loud only when Seungmin sucks him off, and usually doesn’t last long, but this makes him regret not having his mouth on his dick now.

He gets to fuck him again and it’s starting to get so real – not that he didn’t catch it already but now with Minho being this responsive and loud, Seungmin almost feels like fainting.

He doesn’t stop _torturing_ him though, he likes seeing the other satisfied. But he’s sure they get to have one round only on this.

And it’s already too much.

And at the same time, not enough.

He wants Minho in every single way, especially since he knows what the other looks like in different positions.

And it’s almost painful like this but again, he can’t be grateful enough for it as well.

Minho’s soft moans as he opens him up, the fairy lights that paint the whole room purple and Minho’s cock leaking on his tummy, everything makes his head spin.

“ _Please…_ ”

Seungmin flinches at his whiny voice and slows down, looking at his face with concern.

“Fuck me.”

It’s the only thing Minho says before covering his eyes again, with his arm this time and Seungmin gets closer to him, taking his fingers out and using his shirt to clean them, before touching his forearm with his forehead. He will think about Minho every time he’ll see this shirt – that, if he saves it and gets the stains out.

Minho lets out a little sob at that and Seungmin is sure he’s about to cry, he doesn’t want to see that.

Minho may be pretty when he cries – especially if it’s of pleasure – but he’s sure he just made it worse for his heart.

“How do you want it?” Seungmin asks, getting a condom from the bed and taking the lube again, he still remembers how Minho likes it.

The other wipes away his tears (Seungmin hates that he was right!) and sits up a little, tilting his head in thought.

Then he rolls over on his stomach, sticking his ass in display.

And Seungmin must admit it’s really been a while since he saw his bare ass.

He may be about to cry just looking at it, let alone touch or fuck him. He wants to tear up.

Seungmin opens the condom wrap with his teeth and puts it on, Minho’s face in the pillows as he fists it.

He leans in then, just a little to pass his fingers on his spine, Minho shuddering at the light touch, till Seungmin mouth is at his ear.

“Can I kiss your neck?” It’s what he whispers and Minho’s back bends under his touch, cock leaking on the sheets, nodding again.

Even if Seungmin would prefer to make Minho speak, for him to actually use words, he knows he’s got no privilege to ask for that. So, he settles for kissing his neck – he hates that he can’t mark him – and passing the tongue up to his ear, sucking on his lobe a little before taking his cock and teasing Minho’s rim with the head.

The other almost cries at that and Seungmin decides he teased him enough so he starts getting in slowly.

When he gets all in, Minho wiggles his ass a little, signaling him to move but Seungmin takes it slow, yet again.

Not only to tease this time, though.

Right now, he’s about to cry.

They didn’t fuck in three _damn_ years and he for sure didn’t expect it to happen any time soon.

He grabs Minho’s ass a little, spreading his cheeks apart to see better how his dick sinks in, moving just so slightly in and out and Minho’s blissed voice is enough to keep him going.

He moves back in a little sudden, not completely thrusting in yet, his thumb pressing where his length meets the rim and Minho shivers, cursing under his breath.

He is so beautiful like this, he is so pretty with his back bend like this, his soft and sweet scent almost intoxicating.

Seungmin feels like he’s the one that’s fucked, like he’s the one with his dick in his ass, like he just died and brought back again, ripped from reality.

He sobs a little at that, looking at Minho’s perfect body under him with teary eyes, thrusting up a little, tempter to press his digits in with his cock, but he confines at just brushing against the stretched rim.

Minho lets out a long sigh, gripping at the sheets harder, clenching around him and Seungmin is about to burst in tears, and not only for that.

“Have you done, weirdo?” Minho says, so done with his teasing.

He turns to look at him and his heart sinks.

Seungmin’s face is a mess and tears pool at the corners of his eyes.

Minho doesn’t want to see him like that.

“Get out.”

Seungmin lets the tears stream down his face, pulling out of him.

Not bad.

He resisted a lot.

Minho’s probably done with him anyways and deep down Seungmin was waiting for him to throw him out.

But Minho doesn’t.

He turns around completely and places a hand on Seungmin’s cheek, hesitating only a little before cupping his cheeks with both hands. Seungmin leans in his touch, lets him wipe away his tears with his thumbs.

“It’s ok, Seungminnie.”

Seungmin whimpers a little at the way Minho says his name.

“Want to stop or just change position?”

_Damnit!_

Why does Minho have to see through him every single time? To guess every time?

To know everything, to guide him with everything?

Sometimes he feels like he didn’t try enough to show how much he cared, maybe it’s too late because of him…

Seungmin shakes his thoughts off, “change positions, _please_.”

He’s at his limit, at this point Minho’s the one to make him cry and not the other way around.

Minho drops on his back again, taking Seungmin with him as he places a soft kiss under his jaw, urging him to enter him again. He nuzzles his nose in his neck, telling him it’s ok again and again.

Seungmin is a little shaken and Minho puts his hand on his, encouraging him to take it easy. He does as he is instructed, his face in Minho’s chest as he pushes in slowly, Minho letting out a long sigh.

Seungmin is back in now, moaning in his neck when he’s all the way in and their hips clash.

He’s feeling better, Minho’s being so sweet with him and even if he feels like crying again, he is ok now but the temptation to hug him is beating in his throat. He looks up at Minho’s flushed face, his lips red and full for gnawing at them too much – a thing Seungmin would have _loved_ to do in his place.

This is going good so far – which means it’s going worse, because they will have to talk after, Seungmin is so sure of it now.

“You’re fine, right?” He asks, looking at Minho panting.

Minho looks at him with big eyes, surprised Seungmin is still checking on him so much and nods, interlacing their fingers together, “go ahead.” He says right after, eyes closed.

Seungmin kisses his neck, tracing invisible patterns with his lips, he wants to mark him so bad but can’t and doesn’t dare to ask.

Minho feels good, _so_ good, _too_ good.

And is meeting his thrusts now, his dick brushing over his prostrate again and again and Minho is getting loud again.

He doesn’t know if he is doing it on purpose, or he is genuinely enjoying himself like this, but he is indeed different.

Maybe Minho truly changed and Seungmin’s the one that was left behind, he is probably still in the past.

Minho pinches his cheek, frustrated the other is fucking him at such a slow pace.

“Don’t fall asleep with your dick in me, you moron!”

Seungmin chuckles loudly at the scold and thrusts up, making Minho mewl.

He spurs out a _sorry_ and he starts fucking him like he means it now.

Cursed everything, right now, he is with Minho and they are feeling it, he knows he will feel miserable later but there’s a tiny chance he won’t.

Minho hugs him tightly, foreheads pressed together as he moans. Seungmin hugs him back with one hand, the one on his waist as the slams into him at a steady pace.

Seungmin’s close and by looking at Minho’s scrunched features, he is as well.

Minho reaches for his neglected cock between them and jerks himself off in rhythm with Seungmin’s thrusts, till he hears Seungmin let out a choked whine as he comes, his breathing becoming stammered somehow.

It feels strange to no hear him be his usual loud self when having sex, maybe he is truly changed. Maybe only Minho is still living in the past…

“ _Fuck, baby…_ ”

It takes only that petname for Minho to come as well, painting their pressed abdomens white.

Seungmin is surprised to say the least.

Usually Minho needs more before snapping, he doesn’t know what truly happened just now.

They stay like that a couple minutes to catch their breaths, his voice peppering in some praises while getting out – because, despite they are not together anymore, Seungmin’s priority after sex will always be aftercare and Minho seems to appreciate it because he says back as much – before tying the condom, and throwing it on the floor.

Minho looks so fucked up, he probably came hard judging by how much he released.

He opts to take good care of him, he’ll never leave Minho in that state and while he tries to steady his breath, Seungmin stands up and goes to the bathroom, not before leaving the water bottle on the bed next to the older. He doubts Minho would move an inch to drink alone, he doesn’t really do that unless Seungmin helps him up and pampers him with sweet nothings and praises to convince him to do it and not fall asleep before, but maybe he’s _changed_.

He gets back from the bathroom to find Minho with the back on the headboard, drinking from the bottle and he feels a little _useless_.

Maybe it’s not the right word, but now, looking at him doing more by himself – Seungmin doesn’t even want to speak about him almost crying in front of Minho but again, the latter was right, sex without feelings broke him – he feels like he’s not doing enough.

He is the one that needed Minho, not the other way around.

Seungmin climbs up the bed again, a damp towel in hand and Minho lets him clean his body, careful to not overstimulate him.

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know why he says it, but it just gets out of him.

“For?” Minho cocks an eyebrow at him and Seungmin looks away.

“For everything, and I know being sorry will never be enough and I can’t change shit.”

Minho hums, getting sad again.

Seungmin drinks a little as well and helps Minho under the sheets. Minho lets him do, he’s completely spent and has no real strength in his body to move much anyways.

His tears though get out, silently.

And Seungmin can’t do much about it as well.

This was not supposed to happen.

They should talk, they are adults, they shouldn’t act like this but they did.

They are both at some point in their life without each other.

Both tired.

Both disappointed.

Both miserable.

Both desperate but both not having in themselves to stop the other.

Seungmin’s heart goes into pieces at Minho’s quiet crying.

“We’ll see each other tomorrow, I’ll go now.” Seungmin murmurs on his forehead, a hand softly caressing his hair.

Minho’s eyes open wide, one hand gripping his wrist.

“If you go now, you won’t see me ever again, because this is too much.” Minho speaks sharply and he doesn’t intend for it to sound this way but he just did.

Seungmin gulps, uncertain of what to do.

He doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed with him – it’s _actually_ the opposite, he craves it even, but he knows he will overwhelm the other and he doesn’t want to risk it.

“It’s ok if I take the couch then?” Seungmin offers and Minho starts tearing again, harder.

They both know it’s for the better, if Seungmin sleeps there it will ruin everything.

And Minho knows it well, but he still feels disappointed beyond tolerance.

He nods anyway and Seungmin wipes his tears away, soothing his painful state even so slightly.

“I want to talk tomorrow still.” He says before standing up and disappearing from his room, Minho’s eyes focusing on his before closing at last.

Seungmin goes to sleep on the sofa, finding a blanket already there. He sits on it and one of the cats – he really thinks it’s Soonie since he likes him a lot more – gets on there next to him.

They shared space in the past a lot, when Minho and him were roommates, waiting for his _ex_ boyfriend to come home from work and getting their well deserved kisses.

\---

Waking up all alone in bed is strangely unfamiliar when your whole body feels like you fucked for hours.

Minho sits up slowly, feeling numb on his limbs, tried to stand up slowly and goes to the bathroom to take a shower. He is surprised he can move actually, he is surprised to not find any of him cats on the bed as well.

Usually Soonie sleeps next to him but not today.

They will show up when he’ll give them food, he’s sure of it.

He takes a short shower, to leave some hot water for Seungmin as well, because _no_ , he didn’t forget about the night before.

It feels awfully _good_ to do things he used to do in the past.

He changes in complete silence, he usually sings but he doesn’t want to wake the other immediately.

Truth is, he wants to spy on him and see how he sleeps, if he is still in the apartment, if seeing him vulnerable that way would make his guts contort and his eyes water.

So, he takes some clean clothes and tiptoes to the living room, watching him from afar and his breath hitch at the view.

_Oh._

That’s where his cats are then.

Dori is sleeping on his tree near the sofa while the other two are next to his ex.

 _Yes_ , he can’t bear it.

 _No_ , he’s about to cry really hard real quick.

He gets closer, bending over to look at his calm face.

He wants to poke his cheeks, to pinch them and kiss them.

But he stays put, Seungmin yawning softly and blinking quickly to let his eyes adjust to the morning light.

Minho’s hand finds Soonie’s head, who stretches and gets down with Doongie as well. Seungmin lets out a sound kin to a low whine as their paws squash his stomach and Minho giggles at that.

The _giggles_ in question wake Seungmin completely, and he shivers like he stayed in the cold rain all night.

“Go take a shower and let’s have breakfast,” Minho tells him as he stands up, “I offer this to anyone, don’t feel too special.” He adds, not turning back.

Seungmin looks in his direction, then at the clothes on the sofa and says before he disappears in the kitchen, “I feel special if you treat me like anyone else”.

Minho smiles at that without turning around.

Seungmin stands up, then goes to the bathroom to take a shower.

The intoxicating scent Minho had all night is in there and he remembers how much he likes lavender scented stuff.

It feels awfully _sweet_ to take a bath in Minho’s fragrance.

When he gets out, he enters in the kitchen and sees Minho sitting with Dori in his lap, the other two cats eating down, near the counter.

Seungmin takes a sit next to him, looking at the little cat on his thighs.

They both start eating in silence, before Seungmin speaks.

“I missed eating what you cook,” he says more to himself, and if Minho heard him he doesn’t let it show, “this place looks like you, everything is so you.” He looks around.

Minho hums, taking another toast from the big place.

“Should we speak about what happened?”

“Yesterday or–”

“Everything, not only yesterday.” Seungmin cuts him off, looking down.

“I don’t know what I should say, tho,” Minho starts, “I don’t even know how to feel after yesterday, but I agree we should say something, so, where do we go from here?”

Seungmin looks at him now, thinking a little before speaking again, “I can’t hate you, I’d like for us to not hate each other, that’s for sure, I hope we could at least look at each other with less hate or frustration,” he’s voice trembles while Minho’s eyes burry into him, “I’d like to speak about the past as well because you can’t just accept me being near you this way anyways.”

“What do you want to talk abou–Dori _baby_ please, you’re hurting me.” Minho takes the kitty off his lap and puts it down before he scratches his thighs all over.

“Whatever you like, I know we hurt each other, well, I did the most.”

“You know…” Minho starts, “the only part that hurt the most is that you were gone without saying it, we never actually fought over anything but you still didn’t trust me enough to tell me your plans,” he finishes his juice and folds his legs on the chair, “I hated that I didn’t do enough to make you feel ok to speak with me, everything lost meaning without you, I hated how abandoned I felt,” he sobs a little and Seungmin puts a hand on his shoulder, “I tried to forget everything but it was all in vain, I didn’t even try to replace what we had.” Seungmin leans in and squeezes his hand, Minho is grateful for that.

“I have no excuse for it, I just did what I did, but you deserve an explanation, if we are going to at least see each other,” Minho smiles a little at that, and at Dori getting back on his lap, “I did it mostly cuz I thought you didn’t care enough about that so I kept it from you till I had to go and I didn’t give you time to think, I guess I was a little scared you would not let me go–” Dori stretches up, his nose touching Seungmin hand and he lets him do, not giving Minho time to scold the cat, “maybe he doesn’t hate me.”

Minho’s smile grows, getting the little fluffy animal down again, urging him to go play with his _brothers_.

“I wanted to go with you, if you have told me that.” Minho murmurs, preventing the tears in his eyes to stream down his face again by wiping them away.

Seungmin knows he’s still the same, he is still impulsive, he is still guilty for everything and he is still sorry for saying what he said yesterday and doing what he did in the past, and he tells him exactly that.

“It’s ok, I am already forgiving you for that.”

“I feel like what happened this whole week it’s so stupid, we shouldn’t act like this, but I guess we both saw red when…” he stops to think of a way to say this, “…when we met again I guess.”

“Yea, we are like that, it’s no mystery,” Minho looks at him and takes his hand in both of his, “it still hurt a little, those words you said, but I said lots of them too.”

“I know and I’m so sorry, if I could do anything to make it better–”

“Tell me what you want.” Minho speaks before he can finish.

Seungmin stops to think about it, he doesn’t know what Minho wants to hear, but he’s happy they can at least speak calmly about it.

“I would like to change the past but–”

“No,” Minho puts the thumb on his lips and he cups his cheek, “tell me what you want. Not like, _want_. For once in your fucking life Kim Seungmin tell me what you crave, what is that you truly want. What do you want from now on?”

Seungmin is shocked by his words, he doesn’t know what to say.

What does he want?

Is there something he wants?

Something he truly craves?

He kind of knows an answer, but he can’t just tell Minho he wants him.

Maybe though, he actually can.

If his first thought two days ago was to make Minho pay for something he didn’t have a real fault, to make him jealous, to take a pointless revenge over something _Minho_ didn’t do, his first thought this morning was how much he missed waking up with _Minho’s presence_ in his life.

He thought he would have suffered, he would have hated him, but it didn’t happen.

And now Minho is right before his eyes, Seungmin is in his house, and it took Minho only a night to make him completely crumble.

And he doesn’t regret it one bit.

How much did he miss everything?

He doesn’t know, it feels like too much.

And not enough.

Nothing is enough if it’s not Minho.

“I want for us to be together again. I want to kiss you, and cherish you better, and show how much I love you because _yes_ , I still love you.”

It feels so right to tell him this, to say it out loud, to tell himself that _yes_ , he loves Minho and he probably never stopped completely.

Minho smiles big at that, leaning in, one inch apart from his face, “ask me what I want, Seungmin.”

“What do you want, Minho?” Seungmin doesn’t hesitate, he’s hopeful but a part of him is scared he’s about to be rejected.

“I want to love you and to talk to you more and be together again.”

Seungmin turns red at his words.

He didn’t expect it.

 _Ok_ , maybe a little, he was anxious about it too but Minho looks at him with so much _love_ he feels overwhelmed almost.

Minho leans in, a silent question on his lips and Seungmin dives in, annulling the distance between them and for once in his life Seungmin hears his heart do cartwheels.

Minho tastes like he always did, overly sweet.

And Seungmin’s hands are on his cheeks, deepening the kiss almost immediately.

Minho follows his lead, hands on his chest and letting Seungmin hold him closer.

They kiss for maybe too long, it’s like everything’s new all over again, it feels like Minho tastes the same but there is a hint of something new.

And Seungmin wants that to consume him.

They detach to take a breath, Seungmin hugging him close and almost falling off the chair. Minho puts his hands on his waist, urging him to get in his lap and Seungmin almost jumps there, kissing him again and Minho holds him closer more and more.

“You want to start something new again, Seungminnie?” he says after a while, Seungmin burring his face in his neck, “something we can work on together again?” Minho’s hands are in his hair, playing with the strands falling on his nape.

Seungmin almost whines out loud, looking at him and kissing his lips quickly before answering, “yes, if you want me to,” he kisses his nose, “I want to, I love you, Minho.”

Minho’s eyes get wet at that, “we need to talk more I know, but I love you too, so much!” He says happily and Seungmin’s about to kiss him again, but his phone starts buzzing.

He wants to ignore it, but Minho tells him to answer. Seungmin does, and he just realizes he exchanged shifts with another nurse and now he has to hurry to go to work.

“Min, sorry I know we h–” Minho interrupts him with a kiss.

“Go, we talk later, I will wait, I have all day, move.”

“I love you, I promise I will talk to you, I love you.” Seungmin spurs out between kisses.

It feels so good to love, it feels so good to stay there, it feels so good to see Minho smile, smile at him.

“Hurry moron,” Seungmin gets off his lap, runs to the door and takes his keys, “I love you too.” Minho says gives him one last kiss.

When Seungmin’s out he starts laughing at himself and the whole situation.

They really are going to make it again?

\---

Apparently yes, because when Seungmin gets back, he knocks at his door and they talk – they probably kiss too much in the process – and they decide to take it slow, to take their time, and to try again.

Everything they have been through all this time, they’ll have time to catch up.

It almost feels unreal.

But Minho is positive they will.

They both changed after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoy writing 2min they are my favorite indeed.  
> As always leave a comment and kudos is you apreciated this fic💕


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